A Reason to Love ?

It started with coffee

As I stood in the kitchen  making my coffee this morning, I remembered all the mornings that I had woken up my children for school. I remembered waking up, going out to buy milk and vegetables, boiling milk and setting curd, dropping them to school and the dozens of daily tasks I did to raise them. A warm wave washed over me. It said you were good. I liked it. I compared it with the things that come up about me making mistakes – the times I was not present for them or hurt them with my words and actions. I felt happy that there was something good, almost as though the good could balance the not good. Or that it wasn’t all bad. 

Can love be conditional?

Then it came to me, the reason I started writing this.
Why must I have reasons to love myself ?
Why can’t I just be in a state of love no matter what appears before me, about me and my actions? The only true love there is, is that which is unconditional. I am understanding the word for the first time. To be conditional is not just to withhold love when I am not feeling deserving, it is to be loving when I am feeling appreciative. I have ignored the second part of the sentence, or my brain has. So that is not love. It is praise or acknowledgement.

 This is important.

 Like loving myself when I am convinced I did good things is as much a part of the problem as hating myself when I see the bad / wrong things. It reinforces the whole phenomenon of being conditional. The reason the whole thing survives is because there is some love, for the good only and yet it exists and gives me an illusion of love. It tricks me into thinking that what I feel when I remember the good stuff is love; when in truth it isn’t. What it is, is some kind of assurance, something like being pleased or appeased.. It’s not even close to love.
Omg !!! That is what I have been calling and believing to be self love ?????
This is huge. 

Does this resonate with you? Have you been conditional with loving yourself? Have you been stingy, rationing out the self-love only when you have a reason to?  Have you missed the whole point about unconditional love? Wow !!!

Could it be that the times you do things for you that are loving, are, just about, somewhat in the region or self care. As to self love you don’t have the remotest context. 

Time to go into this, or go at it – hammer and tongs !!!

What do you love ? Where is love? 

Do this now? What do you love about yourself ? 

Your freshly filed nails?
Your singing voice?
The plants you just ordered?
Your uncluttered home screen ?
Your generosity, calm in the face of conflict? 

Try this out..
Do you love everything ? And love, not accept or be okay with?
Let’s explore this further. A good place to begin would be –

Stopping the self blame, hate and criticism.

Can you stop the self-hate?  Start to go easy on it at  least ? When something comes up for you to judge as negative,  hold back on the hatred and self loathing at least consciously.

The clues are in your body sensations.

Your body may do this thing; it starts to feel like it’s contracted. As though it denies itself the space, saying I punish you to take less – less space, air, sunshine, in the room, the chair or bed. And when you shrink like that, you will feel like you can bear the enormity of the guilt and shame you feel. Yes, your  body might still do that. It’s something it learned to do so long back.

What about your mind? 

Your  mind and thought machinery on the other hand may not  be the same. Your cognition, with all the work you have done with conscious intention might seem to have some choice over beating yourself up, going down the spiral stairway of self loathing.

Where can you make a start ?

Become aware, the next time  you praise yourself. Let’s say it is  for  being – kind, skilled, careful or wise. Or it is for something you have done – watered the plants, bought your dream car or groomed your pet. Ask yourself, “can I love myself even if I hadn’t been or done any of it?”

Can I love myself just for love’s sake?

How does that even sound to you as you read it? And how could that love for love’s sake be felt and lived? It could be – 

A big smile for no reason

A deep breath
A la la la or woo hoo sound or long yeah
A little shoulder or hip shake like a dance

Choose !!!! With abandon !!

You’ve done this before, so remember

Can you try and remember an act of love you’ve allowed yourself without a reason? Like no benefit at all? Surely you can. And that is proof that it’s not that strange or far fetched. Look at a young child playing in the sand or the water? Yes, they know.. In fact they effortlessly love themselves and everyone around them without a reason.

Coming home to LOVE

Here’s wishing you a warm return to love. Welcome to a love that asks no reasons, no ifs or whens even. Open your arms to it, taking that which all of life offers you in every moment. Open your lungs to the abundance that surrounds you for free !!! And when its filling you and flooding you to the point of overflowing, you will know how to share it as unconditionally as you received it. Happy loving ❤️